中国 (China)

Monday morning I backed my van out of the garage and closed the garage door. I popped back inside the house to tell the three girls it was time to “head ‘em up, move ‘em out”. They piled in the van and I closed and locked the front door.

As I walked around the back of the van it hit me, this would be the last time I would have to make the journey I was about embark on. I got in the van and continued backing out of the driveway. As I rounded the corner at the intersection just south of my house it dawned on me again that it was the last time I would take this route at this time of the morning.

The back seat was amazingly quiet. As if each girl was reliving the previous four months. I know I was. I was remembering taking this same street on January 14 to pick up Catherine. I remembered the excitement we are all experienced on that day. The great anticipation. The wondering about her, would she like us? What would she be like really?  What would this experience really be like?

At times the four months seemed to pass very slowly and at other times it was more like an out-of-control freight train. As I poured my water that morning, I was thinking on this very thing. I was remembering how in the difficult early days the end would never come. And now here it was. Was I ready?

All of Monday just felt weird to me. I was definitely much less celebratory than I thought I would be. I did not expect to have so much introspection that day. I constantly wondered if we had done enough. Did we love enough? Did we trust enough? Were we good enough? Did we share Jesus enough? Did she leave knowing a family in America loved her? Did she leave knowing Jesus loves her?

I hope someday to have answers. But for now I’ll rest and trust that His word won’t return void  but will in fact accomplish what He wills.

The End.

Normal people don’t start with “The End” but who said I was normal people?

Today is the beginning of the final weekend with Catherine. She leaves for China on Monday. To say this has been an adventure would be the biggest understatement of the century. We have truly experienced every single emotion known to man and a few, I’m sure, that are unknown.  We have come full spectrum.

Before she arrived we were all very excited to have her. It is said you can’t love someone you don’t know and for the most part I would agree completely with that sentence. I find it hard enough to love those I do know so loving those I don’t at times seems a fruitless venture.

Which is why it was so foreign to me when I realized in early January that I loved this girl I had never seen and knew virtually nothing about.  Which is why this whole experience has been so incredibly hard for us. We loved what we hadn’t seen and the experiences we had hurt deeply.

It is much like the pain of your own children, biological or not. When they misbehave it hurts deeply. Not because you have any grand illusions of their perfection. You aren’t deluded into thinking they will  never misbehave. You know they are just as human as you are. But their actions go against everything you have poured into them.

We did not have the expectation of her embracing our Jesus. We did hope and pray she would, but we didn’t expect it. We know it goes against everything she has ever been told and taught. We knew it was our job to plant seeds, maybe water them a little and pray for sunshine on her soul. It is my deepest regret that maybe I didn’t do enough of that. She was prayed for. Seeds were planted. But was it enough? Did Catherine see too much of our own failings to want to embrace the God we love and serve?

The past two or three weeks have been a series of “oh my, why on earth is she doing that again? I thought we had gotten past that!” and extreme pleasantness on her part. I can’t begin to tell you the number of times I’ve thought and really marveled, “If we had experienced this behavior early on, it would have been a completely different 4 months. A much more enjoyable 4 months.” 

We will experience another adjustment period when she leaves. It will seem strange to just have the four of us again.

So the end really isn’t the end. It’s the beginning.

周十三

Catherine at "Seedlings" a gardening class at a local nursery.

We have entered the home stretch. We are a mixed bag of feelings. In some moments we are longing for the day and other moments we can’t seem to help but feel time is moving too fast and we aren’t anywhere close to being done yet.

We recently were told the English teacher is having to make up more lesson for Catherine because her English is more advanced than the other students. That is a good thing. Catherine, however, was appalled. She thought she should just be able to skip the class and call it good. Until we told her since she was here to learn English, it was a very good thing she was advanced and that if she decided not to learn anymore her choice might to go home to China early. She quickly decided it was better to be smart in America than go home to China early.

We recently received the china cabinet that had been in Mr. FullCup’s family for a few decades. It, he believes, was purchased as a set with the dining room table and chairs we also have.  When we put the China cabinet in the kitchen I was asked repeatedly what I was going to put in it. I kept telling everyone, “China.” I don’t know, it just made sense to me. Imagine poor Catherine though, every time I’d say I was going to put China in there she thought I was putting her whole country in the cabinet.  We had to explain to her about China dishes.

I have been asked a few times in recent weeks if Catherine had made a decision for Christ. The most recent time was this past Wednesday when an AWANA worker asked. They had noticed a marked change in Catherine’s attitude. I responded with doubt and that we had heard about an attitude change from others but we had yet to see any evidence of this change at home.

When she asked though I thought maybe there was something we were missing, since we are so close to the situation. I thought maybe our past experiences were coloring our current reality and obscuring our true vision.

So on Thursday morning I told Catherine I wanted to ask her a question and I wanted her to tell me the answer even if the answer was “no.” She said she would do that. I asked her if she loved Jesus. Without a moment’s hesitation she emphatically declared, “NO!!!!”

So there you have it.

Almost every night at supper we spend some time reading from the Word and a short devotional. (You can read what we are doing here.) Every devotion has some questions at the end, we read the questions (or at least one of them) and then go around answering the questions. We’ve skipped Catherine knowing she didn’t believe at all. But last night I thought I’d include her. She told us her biggest problems (Math teachers in China) and her biggest fear (Math teachers in China). When asked what God could do to help  in the problems and fears her answer was “none.” She said she would rather be alone in problems and fears than ask God to do anything.  She still, also, maintains she wants to go to hell and not only does she want to go she wants everyone to go.

Sigh. It’s sad.

But she often walks around singing praise songs.

Cloudy with a chance of sun

I’d really rather have sun with a chance of clouds.

To clarify a few things about yesterday’s post.

• Catherine has a saline jel spray for her nose. It was prescribed by a doctor and she has been told to use it every 4-6 hours. She chooses not to.
• Catherine was also given a container of Vaseline to use in her nose. She chooses not to do this either.
• I have tried giving her tea, hot water, warm water, and flavored water. She chooses not to drink any of it.
• Catherine is fully aware of the outcome of her choices and she is also fully aware of the consequences for those choices.
• Catherine is not my child. I can not make her drink like she is supposed to.  We encourage her to drink water, we set the example of drinking water. I have told her many times the amount of water I drink every day. (average 80 oz of water per day.) She chooses not to drink water even though it is always provided and encouraged and she knows she is supposed to drink it. She knows she is supposed to use her saline spray and Vaseline and she refuses.

We have now entered into another not so fun consequence for her lack of liquid intake. Only this deals with the opposite end, if you know what I mean.

As for her not wanting to go home to China. It isn’t that her home life is terrible. She has a very good life at home in China. However their school system is very different from our American schools. If they are sick in China, they go to school.

Perfection is expected from the students in China. If they miss too many, their teacher is not at all pleased and can be, from a American perspective, mean. Punishments are not a rare occasion for the school systems. In America, you can’t have corporal punishment in the schools, that is not the case in China.  Catherine only wants to stay in America because of our school system. I wonder if her tune would change at all if she was actually being and receiving grades. I don’t know.

Week 12

Last week we finished our 12th week with Catherine. Again in some ways it is getting easier and in other ways not so much.

She is still very antagonistic towards our faith. She wants absolutely nothing to do with any of it.  It’s a sad situation.

You can more and more see Catherine’s huge disdain for any type of authority figure in her life. She told me one day she has no use for adults. She thinks she is 11 years old now and should be able to go to bed when she wants, get up when she wants, eat when and what she wants.

She leaves for China in approximately 33 days. I would think, as would everyone who has asked me, she would be very anxious and ready to go home. To see her family and friends, her pet mice, just to have her own things around her. But she isn’t. She doesn’t want to go home. I’m not sure what she wants to do exactly because it’s somewhat apparent she doesn’t want to be here either.  She maintains the only thing in China she misses at all is her comic books.  She said she will run and hug her aunt when she gets home because she has bought all Catherine’s comic books for her there.

Twice a month Catherine’s skype’s her mom in China. I’ve said she can use my computer for that but she doesn’t want to. Emphatically doesn’t want to. And I can’t get the skype address for her mom to work at home.  She never mentions friends at all in China. I’m sure she has some but never talks about them or says she misses them.

This past weekend Catherine got to experience, for the first time, Easter. We don’t celebrate Easter with eggs and bunnies. We do have  a “Spring Party” on the Saturday before Easter. For our Spring Party this year all three girls went to a gardening class at a local nursery. They were able to plant vegetables and/or flowers.  We colored eggs on Friday night and Saturday late morning the girls got to hunt for them.

On Easter night we took all the girls swimming at the hotel where my in-laws were staying. When Catherine was told they were going swimming she hugged me and said, “I LOVE YOU!”

That was a first. I do wish it wasn’t because I had done something she liked. Not that I don’t do things she likes every day but she was excited.  We have noticed she hugs others readily while when Mr. FullCup and I hug her she acts like a board.

I am optimistic though that she will miss us greatly when she’s gone. I’m sure we will miss her too.

Week 11 +

It was entirely too nice on Saturday to sit inside and do anything on the computer, so I stayed outside and played in the dirt.

Seriously. I transplanted one of my plants. I need to transplant another one but first I need to get a bigger pot. Does anyone know how easy, or how to, divide a rubber tree? It’s growing like…well like a tree and I’m soon to run out of pots big enough and my climate is not conducive to planting it outside permanently.

Mr. FullCup asked me an insanely silly question, “Do you want to go to Menards?” To the uninformed, Menards is a lot like Home Depot and Lowes. Only much much better.  I always want to go to Menards. This trip I bought something I had never bought before ever in my life, no, not in all my born days.

I bought spray paint. And I learned a very valuable lesson about using spray paint. I learned spray painting is fun!  I used spray paint on a little bistro table and chairs I bought last Spring at a garage sale. Last Spring I stripped and refinished the table top and I just had to repaint the metal.

I think it turned out very nice.

It is spray painted in a dark bronze with a hammered finish. And today is too cold and windy to get any use from them.

This week I have three full days alone. My two girls are attending the Christian school with Catherine Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. The school offers their achievement test free to homeschoolers. So every year they go and are tested.

I don’t have to do it. I want to do it so I know how we’re doing and if we’re keeping up. So far we’re blowing them all out of the water.  They look forward to this week all year.  The night before testing week is like Christmas Eve at our house. Yesterday afternoon they spent quite a bit of time packing their backpacks.

We have completed 11 weeks with Catherine. And while in some instances it is getting easier it is very far from easy.  There are times that are just plain delightful with her. And other times that are just as painful.

I mentioned in my last update about her “logical consequences” with her nose. We have been reminding her repeatedly to drink water, we have provided a humidifier to help with her nose bleeds. And she refuses to drink water. We’ve tried hot water, warm water, flavored water. Nothing. She went most of last week without drinking water at all.

She was directed by the school, the Chinese teachers, the doctors and us to drink more water. I was told that she had been told if she had another nose bleed she would go back and have her nose cauterized again. Something she doesn’t want because it is painful.

Well guess what? After a week of refusing to drink water, because she believes she is her own authority as has no use for adults (per her own words), she had another nose bleed on Saturday. It was not as severe.

We will see what happens. As for me, I am no longer telling her to drink water all the time. She knows she is supposed to and she knows the consequences for not drinking water.

 

Week 10

The first week with Catherin was difficult. We were all, all 5 of us, adjusting to life with each other. She was adjusting to a new country with new customs, a new language, a radically different culture.  It wasn’t easy for any of us.

The following weeks were difficult because she did get more comfortable and the “honeymoon” phase was over. I’m not saying Catherin is in any way, shape or form, a bad child. Not at all. But she is your typical 11-year old. For all our differences the Chinese children are still children and incredibly like their American counterparts. Things I see in American children that I don’t like, I see in Chinese children. Things I see that I like in Chinese children, I see in American children as well.

It seems the world over children are children. It doesn’t matter what their culture, country, and skin is, they are children.

I mentioned here that the past few weeks were very difficult and painful for me. There were things Catherin did that didn’t anger me so much as hurt me deeply. Added to this pain was words from well-meaning, well-intentioned people.

On Monday of this past week, Catherin was out of school for Spring Break and I needed to run out of town for some grocery shopping. (We shop once a month at Sam’s Club and it’s an 1.5 hour drive one way.) I am not yet brave enough to take all three girls there by myself. I asked a couple of friends to help with Catherin and the other two girls and I took off.

I was quite shocked when I picked Catherin up that afternoon by her demeanor. It was completely changed from the previous weeks. She was happy, cheerful and open. She voluntarily told us about her day. We talked about one of the ladies was a grandmother and “she looks too young!”

The happy attitude lasted until we got home. Then we were back to our silent, sullen self. Until Tuesday morning. And the happy girl was again in residence.

On Wednesday we didn’t have any trouble with her about AWANA. That is a first.

All-in-all this week has been pleasant.  And we’ve all needed it.

On Friday Catherin went to school with a bloody nose.  The school was not able to get it stopped and so they took her to the emergency room where they cauterized it and packed it. She will go to a doctor on Wednesday to have the packing removed and looked at.  She really wants it out now as it is painful. It has been a good teaching tool for us to use to teach her about choices.  I am constantly telling her to drink more water and she is constantly fighting/arguing/or flat out not obeying me. She knows it is in there by her choice.

It’s a tough lesson to learn, one I wish didn’t have to be taught this way.

Can you believe it?

I just love the sound of my children singing praises to Jesus, hearing them share about what they read and learned in their quiet time each day. I also love hearing them work on the verses they are memorizing for AWANA. I pray it is more than just head knowledge, more than just memorizing to get their book finished each year so they can get a cool plaque.

This afternoon I was listening to them practice with Catherin. Our house is rather open and one can hear everything that is said.  Catherin is learning Jeremiah 10:10a this week.

“But the LORD is the true God! He is the living God…” Jeremiah 10:10a (Common English Bible)

I asked her to repeat it for me and then I asked her if she believed it and she answered that she didn’t. That prompted my next question of “why not?”

I have been told she does not at all like to be asked why or why not questions. But I took the leap thinking maybe if we knew why, or some of the why, it would help us understand her better. At the very least it would give us a prayer point for her.

She at first told me she didn’t know. Then she said it was because her parents don’t believe it. Since she had earlier told us no one in China believes in Jesus I asked if her parents had ever heard about Jesus. She told me yes because in college they have to study about America. I guess that is added to the study.

I told her “Oh, I see.” and left the room to finish preparing for supper. But my mind started turning and I wondered why does anyone believe? Do we just believe because someone else tells us to or tells us this is what we believe?

Please know, I’m not questioning why I believe at all! I know why I believe. I believe in Jesus because without Him I have no purpose. I am nothing.  I pondered if I would believe if I hadn’t gone to church every Sunday, Sunday night, Wednesday night of my life as a child.  Would I believe if I hadn’t gone to a Christian school?

Those are questions I honestly can’t answer. Sometime I’ll share my “how I came to believe” story, but what about you? Why do you believe what you believe? (I am not naive enough to think everyone who reads this is a follower of Jesus. I want to hear from those who aren’t as well. I just ask that you keep it nice.)

Weeks 7-8

Last week I was out of town and was just preparing to post our weekly update of life with Catherin when the internet went out.  I kept meaning to get it done this week and life happened at break neck speed at my house and I didn’t get it done.  So I’m combining weeks 7 and 8.

We are almost halfway through our 4 months. In some ways it seems like it can’t possibly be half done already and in other ways the mere thought of 2 more months makes us all want to run screaming down the street.

I am learning things about myself and not all of them are good. I’m realizing others things as well. I’m realizing even when Catherin is being nice, it isn’t long and she is back to her rude self. (In case you are wondering, she does indeed know what the word “rude” means, and often uses it to her own advantage. “So and so is very rude!” “DO NOT DO THAT!! I DO NOT LIKE IT!! IT IS RUDE!!”) Often times this change happens so fast if you’re not ready you’re liable to get whiplash.

I find myself tense from 4pm until 8am. Catherin gets home from school at 4 and we drop her off for school a little before 8.  As soon as I see her walk across the porch, I am immediately tense.  I hate that. I’m finding that I find it easier to just be grumpy, tense and “on guard” when she is home. It’s self protection for me. If I expect her to be rude and break rules, I can’t and won’t be bothered/hurt when she does.

Not a good way to live.

This week I had an evening with some friends and when I arrived home, Mr. FullCup asked if the next morning I would ask Catherin’s literature teacher about a book report Catherin had to do. I thought it was odd that she would be working on a book report since she wasn’t reading any books. She claims to not be able to read English. But I don’t buy it. She reads it every day in school.

Mr. FullCup told me he wanted to know the criterion/guidelines for the report as she was doing it on vampires. I was shocked. I know I shouldn’t have been but I was. I do not want anything to do with vampires in my house.

The next morning before school I thought to check the online history for the browser Catherin uses.  She is supposed to use only English. I know there are those who think it incredibly cruel and hard on the students but they are here for one reason, to learn English. I had allowed her to use the internet in Chinese earlier when I wasn’t sure how proficient she was in English. However, after learning about inappropriate conversations she was having, I wanted to know what she was looking at online and we made the rule of only English on the computer too.  I found that she had broken this rule every day since we made the rule. And she had been lying about it.

I confronted her on this and she has lost computer privileges for one week. If she has homework she needs to use the computer for, she will have to do the old fashioned way or find a different computer.  I also told her no vampires.
“Why?”
“Because I think they are evil and of the devil.”
“It’s just a book!!!!!!” Very angry face.
“I don’t care.”

I’m not exactly sure how she will finish the book report. I did talk to the teacher and the assignment was one she had given her students before the Chinese students came. The Chinese teacher gave the assignment to Catherin and it is on a book she already read. I do know there isn’t much done and we won’t allow her to research it at home.

I know vampires are accepted as “cute” by many Christians. I know The Vampire Diaries are very popular as is Twilight. With all due respect, if you choose to read and enjoy those books/movies that is your choice. It is my choice to not and not allow them in my home. I have young children and they are my first responsibility. There is never anything good that can, will or does come from vampires.

We are following the E100 Bible reading program with our church and one of the questions in the devotional was “If you could ask God for one thing and He would give it to you, what would you ask for?” Catherin said she would ask for an ipod touch. When asked why, she was quick to respond, “So I could get on the internet!” I told her probably not in China. She looked at me and rudely said, “Not in China! Here. At home.” I sadly shook my head and said “not in my home.”

For one thing I don’t think an 11 year old needs an ipod touch, I don’t think they needed carte blanche access to the internet. I know we have high speed wireless and there is always the possibility that our girls will want to go places they shouldn’t, but right now they are happy with the places they are allowed to go. And will ask if they can go to another website. For another thing, if I can’t trust her with my own computer, I can’t trust her with my high speed internet. For the last thing, if I’m not going to allow my own flesh and blood children to have an ipod touch, I’m not going to allow my Chinese daughter to have one either.

Catherin can tell you the gospel. She can tell you we’ve all sinned, we can’t go to heaven on our own. She can tell you no one will ever be good enough to go to heaven. She knows Jesus is the only way to heaven, and one has to accept His blood sacrifice for their sins.

She just doesn’t care.

 

Some go to heaven…

Catherin washing dishes

A friend was talking to me about how she spent the evening Wednesday at AWANA working with Catherin on her verses. During the course of their chat Catherin was asked if she was going to heaven. She quickly answered “no, no, no,”. I told my friend Catherin thinks you have to be a great, important person before you can go to heaven and see God.

Last night I thought I’d broach the subject at our own supper table. (really it’s also the breakfast table, kitchen table, dining room table, and lunch table. Sometimes it doubles as the school table too. Really it’s a multi-purpose, all around table. Only it’s not round, it’s rectangular. But I digress.) So Catherin wouldn’t feel singled out, I started asking the members of my own household. (I realized toward the end that might not have been so grand. I wasn’t asking so Catherin would feel left out and the only one different, but she was.) In turn everyone at our table was asked if they were going to heaven and why they were going.

Elizabeth answered, “Because I’m a Christian!” Very pleased with herself. When asked how she was a Christian she said, “Because I accepted Jesus and He took my sins away.”  Catherin ended up asking Ariana and then I asked Catherin. At first her answer was no, then it was I don’t know and then we landed on a definite maybe.

I asked her what it would take to make her sure. Her response was not at all what I expected it to be. She said basically for her to die right now and find out. (And  no, I did not say “that could be arranged.” In fact it never even entered my mind.) She thought (and maybe still thinks) if you don’t go to heaven you just circle the world when you die.  We told her the Bible says if you don’t go to heaven you go to hell.

She decided she wants to go. She said heaven will be boring all you do is eat and sleep. I have no idea where she got that idea. But she said she wanted to go to hell “because the fire will be red, my favorite color and black, my other favorite color.”

When asked if she would like to hold her finger in the flame of the candle she shuddered and said “no! That would hurt.” We told her hell would be like that without any hope of escape and it would be her whole being, not just her finger.

She asked if people in China die and go to hell if they don’t believe. We told her that was true. Everyone who doesn’t believe in Jesus will go to hell when they die.

I could tell she was really thinking and processing this. She heard the gospel message at least three times last week alone. She knows the truth, but accepting it is hard for her.