Beginning Prayer by John Killinger

from barnesandnoble.com

Prayer is probably my biggest difficulty in the Christian life. Yes, I struggle with sin. But communing with God is difficult. When I saw the book Beginning Prayer by John Killinger I knew I had to read it.

Published by Upper Room Ministries (which as far as I can tell through research is a division of the United Methodist Church), Beginning Prayer is an easy read book, the flavor almost reminds me of an old book. It is written in an almost conversational tone, or at least like a college lecture with your favorite professor.

It doesn’t matter at all in the grand scheme of things but at times I wasn’t sure if it was written by/to Catholics or by/to Protestants.  It could work very well with either group.  It lends itself to be very liturgical in nature.

The only thing I did not like about the book was he talks about chanting our prayers like one chants a mantra. Just a word or phrase over and over. He tells the story of one man who was given the task of praying “the prayer of Jesus” over and over, at first having to say it 30,000 times in a day. Within it week it was nearly tripled. Now he spends hours a day just chanting that one phrase.  He also talked of prayer in silence and said we need to “rid our mind of everything.” That to me sounds a little too much like transcendental meditation. Which I’m not interested in at all.

I received a free copy of this book from the publisher for the purpose of review.

 

Understanding Trust part 2

A few weeks ago I traveled to a friend’s house in a neighboring state. It had been too long since we had been together and we were both determined to make a visit work.  The morning of our first (and only) full day together, she backed out of her garage and bumped my van. I text Mr. FullCup to contact our auto-body man about it and see if he could fix it.

The next afternoon about 3 hours into a 3.5 hour drive home I noticed my “service engine soon” light came on. A few miles down the road I realized I was only driving 50mph in a 60mph zone. I had been using the cruise and tried to reset it many times but it just wouldn’t reset.  I was dumbfounded.

The first stoplight I came to was red. When it turned green, my van was very very slow to go through. I took out my phone at the next stoplight that was also red and called Mr. FullCup, telling him to call our auto-mechanic because there was something really wrong.

Now realize a few months ago we put in a rebuilt engine. About 10 days before this, our van had been in the shop for something I don’t understand. I was frustrated with the whole deal.

The next day, Good Friday, our van was in the shop. The diagnoses? The transmission was toast. The cost of repair by way of putting in a used (not rebuilt!) transmission was more than we could conceive of.

We were faced with a few options. Fix the van or not. If we fixed it we would be putting a significant amount of money into it, knowing we had already put more money in than the van was worth. If we didn’t fix it, we would need to purchase another mode of transportation. And we just got out of debt. The way it looked to us, it was a debt either way. We haven’t saved enough to pay for the repairs or a new/different van yet.

Talk about a dilemma. I was praying God would see fit to drop a newer, fewer mileage car into our laps. (I’ve found I’m allergic to debt.) Mr. FullCup was of the mind to repair what I thought was a sinking ship. You know, you patch one hole only to spring a leak somewhere else. Where do you draw the line and say “no more”?

We both prayed about. We prayed for wisdom and an increase in our trust. I confess I was not happy with what I felt God was telling me. Not happy at all.

You see I started to see that God knew that Wednesday morning the next afternoon my transmission would give up the ghost (in a manner of speaking). I’m not at all saying God made my friend hit my van and dent it. Not at all, because frankly I don’t know. I do know Joseph was sold into slavery which could be a bad thing, but God used it for good.

We heard that my friend would not have  deductible on our van since her liability coverage would pay for all the repairs. We were again (and I’m going backwards a bit here) faced with a dilemma. Do we use the insurance money to repair the van or do we junk the van and use the insurance money to help get a new(er…to us) van.  I was leaning towards the latter. Mr. FullCup towards the former.  (It’s how we operate really.)

So back to the praying. I couldn’t get the thought that He knew it would happen. He also knew what the estimates on our van would be. He knew they would provide enough money to pay for both the body work and the transmission.

Funny thing. When I finally told Mr. FullCup my thoughts, they were exactly like His thoughts.

Sigh. We knew God was in it and He was speaking. When I returned a call from State Farm, I was told they go above and beyond the cost of just the repair.  In short, this van is our only mode of transportation with an engine, so when it is in the shop we are car/van-less. Stranded until it is repaired. Not so this time.

Yes, indeed God is in it. He is directing. And yes, if I’m completely honest I’m praying and hoping the insurance looks at the cost of the estimates and says “you know what? We’re just going to total the van”.

But either way I will have seen God work. And that is a trust builder!

2013

Has anyone noticed that tomorrow is 1-3-13?

A few nights ago I was pondering the new year and pondering the old. What had I accomplished? What do I hope to accomplish this year? Have I changed? Have I grown as a person? A mom? A wife? A friend?

I started praying about an area of focus for this new year. I hadn’t done that before, I prayed specifically for a word for my 2013. One word that I could focus on.

Discipline.

Some people say I am incredibly disciplined. And I can be, just like anyone can be. But I do have my areas of extreme undisciplinedness. I know that’s not really a word, but work with me since my body is exhausted and I can’t think of the opposite of disciplined.

I don’t make resolutions because I’m sanguine enough to forget them 5 seconds after uttering them. I could write them down, which is what I know you’re telling me to do. But I tend to forget where I put things when I write them down. Or put them down.

No joke. Before Christmas I used the usb cable and connected my phone to the computer and downloaded some pictures.  When I was finished, I took the cable and put it…

who knows where. Seriously. I lost it for about 3 weeks. I had it that morning, put it someplace and promptly forgot where I put it. I just found it this morning. And no, it wasn’t in a weird place at all.

Back to being disciplined, I want to be more disciplined in all areas of my life. I want to be more disciplined mentally, physically, spiritually and emotionally.

As I was praying about this, I was impressed that I was to ruthlessly eradicate two things from my life:

• Rudeness
• Clutter.

I’ve been convicted lately just how much of our talk is just plain rude. Sometimes we think we’re joking but really that is just a cover for rudeness. If we say something and someone gets hurt by it, we feel justified in saying, “I was only joking!”

Rude is rude. Pain is pain. If it hurts someone, it’s rude and should not be said. I’ll be blogging more about that in the future.

Have you ever noticed how much clutter grows? It’s like guppies and rabbits. You have a little and soon you’re overtaken with clutter.  I’m ruthlessly eradicating it. From my life. From my house.  It’s bound to take some time, but that’s okay, I have all year.

Praying

I don’t think I pray enough. I know probably everyone says the same thing, even those who spend hours praying every day.  I wish I spent hours a day praying.

I hate to admit it but most of the time, I seem to forget about praying. Except at meal times. We always pray before we eat. Often as I fall into bed at night I’ll have two thoughts run through my head:

• Did I brush my teeth at all today?
• Did I pray at all?

I usually fall asleep praying. It used to bother me but then I thought it was the best way to fall asleep. I was concerned God would think I found Him boring, or that I found myself boring. That is not the case anymore.

I am not a fan of praying out loud anywhere, even with my family. When it is my turn to pray out-loud my mind goes completely blank.  Something about being in the presence of the Creator of the universe gets me all tongue tied.

Part of my problem is I am almost fully convinced the others in the room are judging me based on my praying ability.

Another part is I know satan can’t read my mind but he can hear my voice. I’d rather he not know what I’m praying about. He has enough ammunition to use against me without any help from me.

How is that for crazy?!

So do you have any tips for me?

Praying

If I should ever appear to be raving about my friend Kathi Lipp’s books it is simply because I am. I can’t seem to stop it and I don’t think I want and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want me too.

Her latest book is Praying God’s Word for your Husband. And no, it won’t turn you into Super Wife. You won’t win Wife of the Year. But you will bless your man and in turn you will be blessed.

Kathi talks about praying for our husbands in all areas of life. She gives us verses to pray when he is feeling stressed, his career, finances, safety, future,  emotional health, parenting, and relationship with God and others.

But here’s the best part, I don’t know about you but I really struggle with the words when I pray. I open my mouth and my brain goes blank. But never fear, Kathi’s here! She gives you sample prayers for each and every verse!

The book is designed to be done with a group but you could it alone if need be. I have two friends that will be doing the book with me. And we can’t wait to get started!

 

(I received a copy of this book free from the publisher for the purpose of review)

The End.

Normal people don’t start with “The End” but who said I was normal people?

Today is the beginning of the final weekend with Catherine. She leaves for China on Monday. To say this has been an adventure would be the biggest understatement of the century. We have truly experienced every single emotion known to man and a few, I’m sure, that are unknown.  We have come full spectrum.

Before she arrived we were all very excited to have her. It is said you can’t love someone you don’t know and for the most part I would agree completely with that sentence. I find it hard enough to love those I do know so loving those I don’t at times seems a fruitless venture.

Which is why it was so foreign to me when I realized in early January that I loved this girl I had never seen and knew virtually nothing about.  Which is why this whole experience has been so incredibly hard for us. We loved what we hadn’t seen and the experiences we had hurt deeply.

It is much like the pain of your own children, biological or not. When they misbehave it hurts deeply. Not because you have any grand illusions of their perfection. You aren’t deluded into thinking they will  never misbehave. You know they are just as human as you are. But their actions go against everything you have poured into them.

We did not have the expectation of her embracing our Jesus. We did hope and pray she would, but we didn’t expect it. We know it goes against everything she has ever been told and taught. We knew it was our job to plant seeds, maybe water them a little and pray for sunshine on her soul. It is my deepest regret that maybe I didn’t do enough of that. She was prayed for. Seeds were planted. But was it enough? Did Catherine see too much of our own failings to want to embrace the God we love and serve?

The past two or three weeks have been a series of “oh my, why on earth is she doing that again? I thought we had gotten past that!” and extreme pleasantness on her part. I can’t begin to tell you the number of times I’ve thought and really marveled, “If we had experienced this behavior early on, it would have been a completely different 4 months. A much more enjoyable 4 months.” 

We will experience another adjustment period when she leaves. It will seem strange to just have the four of us again.

So the end really isn’t the end. It’s the beginning.

Me

This is the third time since 2010 that I have been privileged to fill in our church office. I am so thankful that I am able to pop in and keep our church running like a well oiled machine.

Because yes, I do just that.

I am so thankful also for years ago being given the opportunity to learn how to be an administrative assistant. You see I was hired when I knew nothing at all about being in an office except for answering the phone with a cheery voice and how to type.

In filling in, I’ve been able to hone my skills a little bit. I just wonder why it has taken me three times of doing this to learn about myself.

Now I know I don’t do this job to learn about me, because it isn’t all about me. But I have learned things.

I have learned I am a project person. I love to have a project to work on. This time in the office I’ve worked a little on our church’s involvement in the National Day of Prayer, Mayor‘s Prayer Breakfast.  I’ve nailed down a few details and contract on a Common Pursuit Businessmen’s breakfast.  I’ve worked extra hours setting up and running errands for these ministries.

And I loved every single stinking minute of it.

Now I’m back to the same old-same old in the office. I’ve learned something else. Because of my great love for projects, I see every duty in the office as a project and I work like a human machine until I get them done.

Which really just means by Tuesday afternoon the bulletin was done as far as I am concerned, I’m waiting on one man to get me the worship order.  I am also done with the pastor’s power point slides, his sermon outline for the bulletin and the weekly prayer list, again as far as I can be, I am waiting on one man to get me any updates.  I’ve called the florist and ordered 150 carnations for Mothers on Mother’s Day.

And I still had Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday to go.

So what I think I need is a job that is full of projects. Enough projects for me be busy with and then I can move on to the next one.

So what makes your heart beat a little fast at the opportunity?

Medication for Meditation

In church yesterday the pastor was a little lost, which in and of itself is hysterically funny. To me. But then I’m the type of girl who walks into a church in a strange city and tells the pastor I’m lost.

Yes, I’ve done that…on purpose. It was more fun, of course once I realized what he thought I was saying and what I was actually saying were not quite the same thing.

Picture this, the opening song and announcements have been made, everyone is seated when you hear a booming voice coming from the general regions of the ceiling, “I’m COMING!”

That will put the fear of God into you right quick.

The  pastor then appeared and I’ll not lie, it was a letdown. He said something about always forgetting his mic. He announces some prayer requests and asks if there are any others and then says, “Now we’ll have a time of silent meditation.” Only he didn’t really mean it. What he meant to say was, “And now Mr. GreyPants will lead us in another song.”

Immediately following that song the pastor stepped to the pulpit and announced that “Now we will have a time of mild medication.”

(I am working on a few other blog posts that I’ll get posted this week and I still have our week 7 update on Catherin.)

Pray for those left behind.

I used to blog all the time…like every day. Then writer’s block struck with a vengeance and I took a break from blogging for a few years. I would write a blog post every now and again but it wasn’t anything like I had been doing.

This year I have gotten back into it. I plan on not posting on the weekends. Because since my children are older now, I don’t have the amount of blog fodder I once had.

But I find myself on a Friday night with nothing better to do than blog. Man that makes me sound rather pathetic.

Tomorrow the family of FullCup embarks on a new adventure. We will go where no one in our families have ever gone before.

Tomorrow the family of FullCup will pick up an 11 year old girl name Yingyuan and she will live with us for the next 4 months. Yingyuan will be attending our local Christian school as an exchange student. We are beyond thrilled that our little homeschooling family was chosen as a host family.

The students (there are 10 with 3 sponsors) have been prayed for. The host families have been prayed for. And that is a good thing. But I think the families left behind also need prayed for. Yingyuan is an only child who lives with her Mother. I can’t imagine, I can’t even begin to wrap my mind around my child being gone for 4  months. I can’t fathom knowing she is half a world away in another country. A country I’ve never been to.

Please pray for Yingyuan, the family of FullCup but please also pray for Yingyuan’s family that was left behind.

Musings

This past weekend I was blessed beyond measure to be able to attend a Living Proof Live Conference in Casper, WY.  It was just what I needed.

I thought I’d share some of my thoughts from the weekend. Beth Moore‘s passage on Friday night was Acts 3:1-10.

Acts 3:1
Ninth hour = 3pm. Peter and John were at the temple complex at 3, the “hour of Prayer“. In Matthew 27:46 we read that Jesus died at the ninth hour, or 3pm. The time of prayer.  (oh and this just occurred to me, Jesus lives to intercede for us.) The ninth hour was also the time of sacrifice.

Healing of Soul and Body happens at the time of prayer. (Or when we pray we can expect healing. Maybe not always healing on our terms but healing all the same. )

I thought this was interesting, when it talks about the man being lame from birth it literally means, “in the womb”. So something happened while he was being formed so that he was born lame.

The beggar asked Peter and John for help, but not for what he needed. I do this a lot too.

Acts 3:4 “The looked intently at him…”
Hebrews 12:2 “Fix your gaze on Jesus…”
Acts 3:4, Jesus looks intently at us and says, “Look at Me!” when we look intently, when we fix our gaze on Jesus that is when we find healing.