Decaf Smecaf

I get asked this alot, usually with a shocked expression, “YOU drink decaf?” It’s not strange, at least not really strange. All my pep is completely natural. Which explains why my brain is mush and I’m ready for bed at 6pm.

I do drink decaf. Unless I have a monster headache. Then I reach for my keys while reaching for my coat and at the same time I’m picking up my Pepsi cup from the gas station. Because you know if you refill your cup you get a nice discount. And I’m all about the discount.  If I’m smart I’ll grab my 32 ounce cup but if my headache is especially monstrous or I’m not paying any attention because my headache is monstrous I’ll grab the 44 ounce cup and away we’ll go to the gas station.

One of my favorite places in all the world. Family Thrift gas station early on a weekday morning. Nothing like the rush of people in a hurry, trying to get to work and I’m just trying to get some Dr. Pepper so I don’t die.

Okay so it’s not quite that serious but it could be.

My Dr. Pepper, all 32 or 44 ounces of it is most decidedly not decaf. Because really, what would be the point of that? If’ I’m needing the caffeine in the Dr. Pepper to take care of my headache, why drink decaf? And besides you can’t get decaf Dr. Pepper in a fountain and as everyone knows the only pop (coke, soda) worth drinking comes from a fountain.

I have started drinking diet Dr. Pepper though. I know I know. It’s “diet”. But if one doesn’t consume sugar………….

Which leads me to my next point. It is true I don’t consume sugar. There for awhile I was ignorantly cheating on this deal. You see I thought Evaporated Cane juice was just that, evaporated cane juice. But noooooooooo, it’s another sneaky word for sugar.

When I need something sweet, I watch a movie on the Hallmark channel, and then after I’ve realized that won’t cut it, I make something myself. I substitute honey for the sugar. People have told me to use applesauce but you know what? Applesauce is full of added sugar. So no. I use honey.

I also don’t eat white flour. I use whole wheat because I like it.

I do however, eat white potatoes. I’m Irish. We eat potatoes. My ancestors were Irish potato farmers. I have to eat potatoes it’s in my jeans genes.

Now, don’t you feel better knowing all that?

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