I try and be open and transparent on my blog as well as in real life. I don’t want to hide behind fake masks. It is easier for me to be real in print. I find it incredibly hard to share with others face-to-face about my struggles. Mostly because I’m afraid I’ll cry and I hate that.
I’m not a cry-er by nature. I don’t cry easy but there are struggles that are hard, painful and reduce me to a puddle of tears. And let me tell you I’m ugly when I cry. There just isn’t anything pretty about it.
The past few weeks have been those kind of weeks. The kind of weeks where I can hardly breathe at times. Not that there hasn’t been joy in the days. I’m not saying every day has been tear producing. But there have been several things that have cut deep.
Some of them have been words from other well-meaning people. I’ve had to pray, “LORD, is there any truth in what they are saying?” even though the mere thought of there being a shred of truth was not easy to swallow.
I am sick to death of this though. Not praying. But I’m tired of being sad. I realized sadness was a choice I was making. To change my feelings I had to change my choice. That would require an objective view of my situation.
I would have to choose to look at it differently and when you’re in the forest it’s hard to see anything except trees. How do you look at a forest and not see trees?
Yesterday, over my breakfast, I prayed thanking God for the day, the highs and lows, joys and pain. I have to tell you, that changed my day. I felt prepared for whatever would come my way. Just knowing I had already thanked Jesus for it seemed to change my attitude toward the whole day.
It isn’t that my day started horribly, it didn’t. I just knew something had to change and that had to be me. Being grateful for and in things changed my focus. My focus was no longer on anything anyone had done or would do to me, my focus was on the One who allows all things into my life for a reason.
I know I can trust Him, who judges justly and loves me to the utmost, to only bring things into my life that are for my good and not my harm. I can trust His hand. I can trust Him to work things in my life, even the hard, painful times for my good.
And that makes even the worst day the best day.
The choice for a bad day or a good day really depends on us. Not our circumstances. If we choose to have a attitude of “everything comes into my life for a purpose” and an attitude that says “no matter what happens, this is the day the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it”, we will find the things of this world a little less troubling, a little less painful. If we keep in mind that Jesus is already in our day, He already knows the outcome and His plan is for our good, we can walk confidently through our trials.
We will know He will bring us safely through our fires. We can know He will make it so when we come through the fire we won’t even smell like smoke.
And really who wants to smell like smoke?