Hilda OslenPiffleFeffer

I wrote this several years ago and it still makes me laugh. Enjoy!

No one would ever accuse me of being a gourmet cook, much less a good cook. No sirree, I don’t have to worry about that.

Last night I made meatloaf, or it was supposed to be meatloaf. That is what I intended to make, but let’s just say it didn’t cooperate with me. It was more like Meat-cooking-like-a-loaf-but-really-is-meat-fall-apart-loaf. We had meatcrumble. And it didn’t taste the best.

Now I’ve never been a world-renown chef, never pretended to be in fact, but I could make meatloaf that would stay together. Well scratch that from my list of abilities. And flavor…it would ooze from every bite. Scratch that too.

That is merely one example. Here’s another in case you don’t quite believe me.

Our Pastor’s son, his youngest son, is off to college this year. Every year my girlies adopt a college bound student and we give them a box to take, or we send it soon after their arrival in the dorm.

This year the girls adopted “Uncle Jon”. We didn’t decide on it soon enough to send a box with him, but I found out the particulars and began gathering the needed items. We got his favorite candy, a book, a picture of the girlies (+one friend he knows), and prepared to make his favorite cookie. Oh and I got his address I’ve found that generally comes in handy when planning on mailing something.

I promptly misplaced the address, forgot to purchase the main ingredient for the cookies. The candy stayed in my cupboard for quite a long time. Every time I would open that cupboard (about 50 gazillion times a day is all) I would remember, “oh yes I need to buy the chocolate chips.” See I told you it was the main ingredient for the cookies. Imagine getting cookies, “These are chocolate chip cookies, without the chocolate chips.” Not quite the same is it?

I finally remember to get the chips, then they sat in my freezer for awhile. A chilly, blustery day I thought “It’s a good day to make cookies for Uncle Jon.” I found a recipe, “The Ultimate Chocolate Chip Cookie” and began my mixing and baking.

I mailed the box a day or so after this. The day after I mailed the box I started eating some we had left over. The recipe lied to me. Here is what they should have called those cookies,

The Ultimate-Chocolate-Chip-Hard-as-a-hockey-puck-Cookie.

Now realize I found this out after I mailed the box. So not only did poor Jon have to wait and wait and wait for his cookies and candy, he likely broke a tooth on them. Talk about adding insult to injury.

I have emailed our Pastor and have asked him to tell Jon those are milk-dunking cookies. I only hope it’s not too late. He should have received the box yesterday.

Speaking of the box, I also forgot to put any note in the box. (Maybe with the cookies that’s not a bad thing!) I was so intent on making sure it all fit in the box and getting it all ready to mail, sealing it up, I forgot to put the note in.

Maybe I should change my name to Hilda Oslenpifflefeffer and move to Nome, Alaska.


(Now it’s funny I found this post today because last night we actually did have meatloaf, or as we like to call it “leatmoaf”. Only my 12-year old made it and it was wonderful!)

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