Actually, there is no maybe about it. I am amazed.
Amazed at the total, complete, utter goodness of my God. It isn’t that I don’t know God is good, I do know that. I really know that. It isn’t that I’ve forgotten that He is good, but I sometimes forget that He is good to me. I’m sure I’m not alone in that feeling.
Lately I’ve been reminded, repeatedly that He is good, that He is GOOD, and that He is good to me. This morning I was reading in the gospel of John, chapter 1 and verse 16 (from the Holman Christian Standard Version)
I realized anew and afresh that my very breath this morning, the mere fact that my eyes opened this side of heaven was grace. I hear so much every day about “I” deserve (not just me, but humans and especially my fellow-Americans). I don’t deserve anything, especially not the goodness of God. I deserve death and hell. But He gives grace after grace.
The grace I’ve been noticing more and more is in regards to my new business as an independent consultant with 31 Gifts. I’ve mentioned my business before, but I want to share how I’ve seen God work and move.
I am not normally given to moments of sheer panic. I do have my times, but it’s definitely not the “norm” for me. I However even after praying for wisdom and direction before ever agreeing to start my business, I had moments of panic.
Unfortunately,I choose to wallow in my panic, my abject terror, my fear of doing it wrong, of screwing up, of screwing up in front of a lot of really nice people who believed in me. The fear of giving the voices in my head yet one more failure to continually bring to my remembrance every time I ever thought of doing something like this again.
“Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.”
I prayed that when in a panic I was sure no one would EVER want to host a party for me.
And peace ruled.
And someone said, “yes”.
People I had asked and hadn’t responded to me, started responding. Affirmatively.
And my immediate, heartfelt, response was a joy-filled, THANK YOU, LORD!!!!
I’ve had a newer moment of panic. It’s silly really. I know it. But still it came. Still the enemy used my desire in this area where I’ve seen God’s movement and blessing to trip me, to take my eyes off what God has done already, and say, “But God won’t….” It’s a silly contest for new consultants.
This morning during my shower, I confessed my sin of unbelief. I prayed again Philippians 4:6-7. I prayed for the peace to infuse every fiber of my being. I prayed for God to be glorified. I told Him what my heart desired.
And grace and peace ran over me like water.
Seven hours later, I still have this peace of His. I find myself now living each moment in joyful anticipation of watching Him work, instead of in mind-griping, irrational fear.
I think it’s a great trade off. I’ll trade my ratty old fear, and take His peace.