I actually have a book review to write and post but for now, I’m going to pass on that. I know, I know I should have already done it (no deadline) but I had forgotten about it and I’m not overly interested in reading, reviewing for points. I’d rather read a good book, post a review for the fun of doing it, and to help authors/publishers get their books noticed and read. I don’t even mind the occasional bad book. But today I’m not talking about books…at least I don’t think I am. Who knows though.
Our school year has been underway for two weeks now, and to say it’s going well is, well, maybe the right answer. We haven’t threatened to send them to the elementary school down the street yet. Of course they are both too old for that now, when did that happen?
We’ve had a few meltdowns over….math. Why is it always math? Why can’t it be something else? But otherwise we’re doing good. It’s not quite as easy to wake up, we aren’t quite as ready and willing to start early as we were a couple of weeks ago.
I’ve found myself lately feeling more failure-ish than I have for a while. I’ve felt “not enough”. I’ve cringed when I realize how many people are depending on me and how many, many things I’m dropping through the cracks. I hate disappointing people. I hate feeling like I’m disappointing people.
I know I’m not at all alone in that, and that keeps me sane. I still don’t like it, and still would really rather not but knowing other people are in the same boat helps me keep my chin up.
Lately my daily, moment-by-moment prayer has been that God would be glorified in everything I say, think, or do. My prayer was really put to the test recently, did I really mean it? Was I serious about God getting the glory? How would I feel and react if it looked like I failed?
I was the coordinator for the Beth Moore simulcast on Saturday. My church was a host site, and since I was the one who went to the board with it, I was the coordinator. I had never had that responsibility before. I had helped people, but I was never in charge of the whole thing. To say I felt inadequate would be a huge understatement.
I prayed that God would be glorified regardless of the outcome. Almost every time I panicked, I prayed. When I received emails telling me I was failing in a million different ways, I prayed. When I received phone calls reiterating my failure, I prayed. When people hung up on me, because I refused to buy into their panic, and said repeatedly, “I’m not concerned about that”, I prayed.
The turn out was lighter than I wanted. Lighter than expected. The church “lost” money. Financially it could be a failure. But was God glorified? Were people reached?
I have been an emotional basket-case ever since. I get weepy and teary when I realize how blessed I am. I am blessed because God showed up.
I am blessed with friends. I am blessed by the men in my church who come up to me on Sunday and say, “Hey, I have another devotional for you.” And it is just what I needed.
I got teary this morning reading a blog post by my friend. One of those friends you’re tempted to call your “BFF” and then you realize you’ve never actually met the woman, but your lives feel so intricately interwoven, you must be BFF’s. You’re in the same stage of life, have children close in age. You’re facing similar struggles.
So what’s a girl to do when she has great thoughts and her mind completely goes blank?
Just know whatever I had planned to say here, was GOOD! And that I’m blessed!