I’m feeling the need for some type of yummy, frou-frou coffee. It sounds amazing. I’ve been wanting one since yesterday and the urge is only getting stronger.

The only issue with that is:

I’ve deemed them not worth the discomfort I’ll feel later.

Not worth it.

Over Beanie’s birthday I imbibed a little more than I probably should have. Okay…I had two. Over three days. Not bad. But then yesterday I had dessert at the church Thanksgiving Potluck. Only one of which was gluten free…and it was the smallest piece too. And it wasn’t dairy free or sugar free.

I know this week I’ll probably con myself into eating and drinking things I haven’t been. And I’ll pay for them.

Even though last night as I was in mortal agony, sure I was going to die at the next moment, I told  myself, “It’s just not worth it anymore.”

I have a funny way of talking myself into things I’ve sworn off as not worth it. My pain tolerance is high….at least sometimes. I went through labor and deliver twice without any pain medication.

My pain memory is also short. (I did go through L&D twice remember?!) I can’t seem to remember mortal agony for more than a few hours. Sometimes that’s a good thing. For example, I have two children. Those are good things.

Sometimes that’s a bad thing too. (Not my having two children, my pain memory being short,) I tend to fall into stupid more often than I think should be necessary. One might say I’m not a fast learner.

I always find it easier to start and just keep going and doing things as I have been than to stop and allow some habit, some thing back in. I’m always convinced I can toss it aside again just as easily. But I never do.

This is true of healthy eating habits. I can easily get rid of gluten, sugar, milk, etc from diet and feel great. But when I think I’ll just “try a little” and then quit again. I try that little, then a little more and then soon I’m back to my old eating habits. I resolve one day to cut it all out again. And I do. For that day.

But tomorrow all bets are off.

Now I’ve not completely started eating foods than cause my innards distress. But the more of them I eat (or drink) the worse I feel both physically and emotionally.

I can call myself a loser a million different ways. A cheat. You name it. Every time I swallow a bite of food I shouldn’t, out comes the mental beating stick. I don’t need anyone else to do it for me, I’m good enough on my own thankyouverymuch.

The same is true about other habits I’ve worked hard to gain. It seems as soon as I let my guard down, I’m right back to my old, bad habits.

I’ve recently started getting up at 5:30, I read my Bible and then I get up, fix and eat breakfast while reading The Imitation of Christ (Thomas A Kempis) and part of a chapter of One Thousand Gifts (Ann Voskamp…and yes it is a difficult book to read. Her style just isn’t easy). I do this 7 days a week.

I feel better when I get up early and get things done. The later I sleep the less productive I am. Not that I’m all that productive that early in the morning but the productivity seems to last all day.  I know there are days I don’t have to get up that early. And I’m sorely tempted to sleep in a little.

But the habit.

I like it. I like how I feel.  So I keep it.

Now if only I could remember this determination in other areas of my life.

(On the house situation…which I’m sure you’re all waiting on pins and needles. My realtor found out who owns the house. Amazing what happens when you ask a professional. As it turns out, he sold it to it’s current owner! He told me yesterday he can take me inside the house. To date I’ve only seen the outside. I am praying, and ask you to pray as well that God will make it abundantly clear to the profoundly stupid (that’s me) either way. If this house is a “yes” I want to know. If it is a “no” I want that made clear as well.)


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