I would have thought all the answers and developments in the recent weeks would make it abundantly clear to me what we are to do. I would have thought because I did think. I thought, pondered, prayed and expected an answer. Now that the haze and the doubts are evaporating like the morning fog, I find I’m not really any closer to knowing exactly what I want to do or what I should do.
It’s obvious to me (and maybe to others but I can’t be sure…because I haven’t asked them) that God is moving, He is answering. And He’s even answering in the way I would like. And maybe that scares me. Not that I think God can’t or never does answer that way. I know He does. Maybe I feel like I’m twisting the circumstances around to make everything appear that He is saying “MOVE on this!” when really it’s my own selfish will and desires.
But in my heart I know I can’t possibly have done that completely. Things have happened that were completely outside the realm of my control. Remind me of this when I next wig out in 5-4-3-2-1 seconds.
There has been a development of sorts in the house buying/selling situation. A development that I’m not going to indulge in at the moment here. But I’ve been talking with a friend about it and it could prove to be very good for both parties. Mr. FullCup is in favor of pursuing the idea or the possibility of it.
That is huge. Not only is he willing to entertain the thought, when I told him one of the only ways I’d be willing to move on this was if he would go see it with all of us.
In short he agreed.
And I fainted dead away.
Okay, not really but I could have.
It seems to me now the more I think about it, the more God moves the more my escape hatches are obliterated. As if the foot of snow I have on the ground has fallen all over my way out. It’s like I want this, but I don’t want this.
I’m a conundrum.
At our church staff Christmas party, I heard talk around the table about God selling homes quickly. Nobody buys a house at Christmas time. But they are. I was filled with hope.
On Sunday, I heard stories of people praying very specifically for a house and hearing how God moved in huge miraculous ways. I went home and pondered all afternoon how I could very specifically pray for my house situation. I wanted to know should I ask for a family of believers to buy my house? A family of believers with young children? A hobo?
That night I very specifically heard God’s voice asking me why I was asking for a sign? Why did I think I needed one? Hadn’t I seen Him working in the situation from the beginning?
Sheepishly I had to answer yes. And determined to simply rest and believe. Even though it had appeared as if it wouldn’t happen. I simply had too much to do to my house and not enough funds to do it all. It’s not that easy really fixing a house to sell at Christmas time. If I was a planner-aheader and had all my Christmas stuff done and ready, maybe. But who has extra funds at Christmas time, except for Donald Trump?
And then I hear about the development.
Oh yeah, people, God is working here. There is still a part of me that wants to put out a fleece so to speak. Buy maybe it is enough to know that God knows what I think needs to happen first before any of this becomes a reality. It’s enough for me now to just know I don’t have to figure it all out, I don’t have to look for signs because He already knows the end from the beginning, He has it all planned out. And if it is His will, His plan, it will happen.