There is something so wonderful about having a time of confession, seeking forgiveness, and then taking His hand and walking away from the gunk and the junk with Him. There is something so tender and peaceful about turning over all the angst to Him.
Sunday morning someone dropped the note (pictured above) in the offering and those who counted the gifts left it on my desk. I’m looking at it right now. I don’t think I’ll ever throw it away. I can not even begin to tell you how much I have needed this reminder over the past two days. SO much hurt and angst of soul. I learned just how possible it is to offer a sacrifice of praise when my heart is in agony. To choose to focus on Him and then believe Him when all I have around me are sandcastles in the raging sea. I’ve learned that He takes the angst and replaces it with His peace. And He does this every time I ask Him. I’ve learned that when I submit to Him, and confess my sin, and say “Lord, I’m ready for the consequences for my actions” He is faithful. But He is also tender and always there ready with open arms, allowing me to snuggle in close and sob my hurts into His shoulder.
I posted that on my instagram account and shared it on my facebook and twitter pages. He is just so good! You know if it had ended there, I would be one very happy girl. But He didn’t leave it there.
I was texting my sister-in-law this morning and she told me, “I stopped by the liquor store on the way home yesterday.” I asked her why and called her a lush. She told me her day got worse. Jesus took over my mouth…or err fingers. I told her drowning her bad days would not make them good days but drowning in Jesus will! “No judgment here! I often forget Jesus and drown my sorrows in coffee. Which doesn’t fix it either. But the times I’ve run to Jesus…He has been so faithful to make it all better and bring peace.
All of that is true. But it wasn’t something I had really thought about until I saw it there.
Yesterday morning I needed to spend some time at my prayer bench. The angst was stifling and I needed to be with my Jesus. The very Jesus I had been fighting for days. I NEEDED Him to breathe His life into my hurting heart. As I walked I listened to David Meece’s song, “The things You never gave me”. I realized this was my time to offer my sacrifice of praise. To choose to praise Him instead of fighting Him. I sat on my prayer bench and did just that. I confessed my sin. Sought His forgiveness, asked for His help to walk in it, and I can’t even remember what else. But it was just such a tender time with Him. I’m still basking in His tenderness towards me. I so don’t deserve Him. Just thinking of it now brings tears, not happy tears but definitely not the tears of angst I’ve shed.
This morning (I know this is disjointed and I’m sorry!) as I was closing our windows before leaving for the office I just prayed over and over, “I want to just bask in You!”