rantings of a poor woman

Just a completely selfish post asking someone, anyone to, please, say something nice or good about me to me. I’m so tired of thinking, believing and hearing of my very many horrible mistakes and screw-ups. Of hearing how horrible I am.

Fallen so short of grace.
The very grace that reaches deep
Is very much out of reach.
To a girl like me.
Who screws up,
Messes Up,
Makes the wrong choice,
Says the wrong thing
All the time.
The wrong thing.
She rushes ahead
When she should be still
She is still
When she should be moving.
Talking when she should be silent,
Silent when she should be talking.
Will I ever get it right?
This dance of Good
This frolic of might.
Is there grace for me?
True grace?
For a Jesus screw-up like me?

Surely I’m good for something more than making coffee, right? I mean is that really all the good I have?

I know, girls like me aren’t supposed to ask these questions. They’re supposed to know the Truth and the Light and walk in His ways always. And that is my heart’s very deepest desire, but sometimes sin creeps in and takes my heart by surprise. I have my doubts that I’ll ever measure up to what He wants for me to be.

And then I know that I don’t have to measure up. Because in God’s economy I already do. He knows my doubts, my failings and He has taken them up on Himself so I don’t have to bear them anymore.I can walk free. Unchained. Unfettered.

But still the struggle remains. As long as I walk in this fleshly abode, I will question, I will doubt. I will weep. I will wail. I will cry for the injustices done to my soul. I will cry for His grace,

The very grace that right now seems so out of reach,
Just beyond my grasp,
Grace, grace, grace that reaches this leach
Grace that I can clasp
To my very soul, And remember
Jesus died for each
Doubt and Fear
That I clutch tight
In my fist
In my fight
For protection of myself.
Oh Jesus, let me let go of
Self. and Selfishness.
Be the only Truth
In my sense of helplessness
Let me give in to
Your grace
That flows over me
And makes my heart race.

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